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sometimes I amaze myself December 28, 2006

Posted by eatnorthamerica in things that are not quite things we know.

shit, watching paint dry is more involving than this shit. 

I know, it’s incredible.

I’ll tell you what’s incredible; between the hours of last night and today I managed to RAISE MY RIGHT EYEBROW WITHOUT RAISING MY LEFT EYEBROW.

yes yes, very good, you say. Well! it! is! I tell you I used to be able to independently raise either of my eyebrows, but lost this ability over the years, no doubt from constantly cocking only my left eyebrow into various expressions of disdain. How absurd it is that you suddenly find yourself unable to do the simplest of things. Such as wiggling your ears, but hey, it’s not like ear-wiggling projects any sort of insight into the human condition besides freakishness, and possibly the ability of my recently-perforated earlobes to exude putrescence.

My left eyelid is marginally larger than my right eyelid as a result of this poorly-conceived practice of scorn! Here’s how to remedy this aberration: close left eye while reading pulp fiction for a few hours while intermittently concentrating very carefully on raising your right eyebrow. finish book. sleep. wake up. do the close left eye thing while, ooh, packing and tidying room with great productivity, or something, whatever. this isn’t important. 

check mirror to discover right eyebrow is indeed once more capable of independent movement, albeit suffering slightly from years of atrophy!


I’m saying it’s a matter of stubbornness, yes.



1. Binster - January 2, 2007

I bestow upon you the Roger Moore Award for services to eyebrow raising.

2. Binster - January 2, 2007

I award you the coveted Roger Moore Image for services to eyebrow raising.

3. Binster - January 2, 2007

So good, I posted twice.

Three times.

4. eatnorthamerica - January 3, 2007

Hey, what are you saying about Steve’s dad?!

5. Seth - January 8, 2007

Haha! I like to think of you having a permanent expression of disdain. Really, it kind of suits you.

I wouldn’t worry about the disparity, my notrils are of wildly different sizes and nobody seems to notice. Have you?

6. eatnorthamerica - September 19, 2007

holy i didn’t notice this comment.:)

I don’t know if that suitability is that good……………………………. ?

i’m seriously proud of the right eyebrow-raising training though. mind over matter, that’s what I always say. and no, I never noticed. although I might, now. I started getting more observant of facial features after all the Sony face modelling… although didn’t I model your head? I guess your nostrils weren’t really visible in those reference pictures.

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